Friday, March 12, 2010

Fearless Female: Females Who Died Young

Lisa suggestion for yesterday.
March 11 — Did you have any female ancestors who died young or from tragic or unexpected circumstances? Describe and how did this affect the family.

I had two mothers both who died early in their own lives and early in mine. My Mother was 32, my Mom or second mother (I don't like step mother for her) was 45. I was one week before my first birthday and my 17th birthdays.

I will probably never know the full effect of these events. I do know they shaped me to be the person I am today. Since I like being who I am even with my imperfections. I accept these events as bad as they were as worth it. Since I sincerely believe nothing happens in our lives that isn't meant to happen and make us the people we are needed to be. I accept these events as the life experience they are meant to be.

I came to this realization when I received an excellence in Oncology Nurse award in 2000. I needed to write a talk about being an Oncology Nurse. Since both of my mothers died of cancer, I am sure that was an influenced on my nursing career. I explained the impact of their illness on our family and the care they received compared to the care given today. I encouraged the nurses to be advocates for their patients, to be the life lines for the patients.

The stories go that after my mother died I spent each day that my Dad worked with a different Aunt. When my Dad was home he was Mr. Mom. He worked 24 hours on and 48 off as a NYC fireman. I am sure he kept a clean and orderly home. He was one of those people, everything had it's place and everything was to be in it's place.

After my Mom died I was angry and use to tell people I was tough on mothers, like it was my fault that they had died. As I grew in my nursing career I learned that sometimes in spite of what we do the disease is bigger than everything we do to irradiate it. As I grew as a person I learned that we must experience the special trails of our lives to learn of God and to learn to have faith in His Plan.

These event left my father a nearly destroyed man, he felt that the only thing that kept him going was his children, I have 3 younger half brothers. My youngest brother was 6 when Mom died and he has little to no recollection of her. My other brothers do not share any feelings on losing their mother.

Losing your mother at any age is hard. It is harder when you are young.


  1. Very touching, Mary. Thanks for sharing your feelings about this. Your Mothers were both beautiful and I can see where you get your fire - it's in both their eyes!

  2. This is from my friend Jane, who sent me an email.
    Mary, your blog today is great. I love your thoughts and feelings. Expressed very understandably. It is very sad but you are right, it makes you what you are today and it happened for a reason. I’m glad you’re YOU! But I’m sorry for the road it took to make you that. There is a happy ending! See you tomorrow! Jane
    We had lunch at the quilt show together.